Hello people. I am writing again. This is something I shouldn’t be doing much especially for few weeks as I have semester exams coming up but you know what they say, “the things you are denied to do become the things you want to do the most”. Same is happening to me I guess. I keep telling myself – now is not the time to write, its time to study for exams but all that goes to my brain is the word ‘write’ and I end up doing just that. This is my distraction number one. I have a list of distractions keeping me from doing my work which include urge to listen to music and sing along; even dance to it, sleep, watch movies, TV series or any random video on YouTube, or just simply think about past memories or worry about future. Thinking about past is one of my top distractions. I miss it. I miss my past. I wasn’t always this girl I am today and honestly I am not so much of anything today, this exact moment. If anything I have had a little bit of a downfall. I am just a student and will be the same for one and half years to come, but I am medical student and I have to keep reminding that to myself.
I loved the simple thought of becoming a medical professional and wanted to get in a medical school more than anything a few years back. I guess I didn’t think about all the hard work I would have to put into it and the change of the environment, cherry on top – if you know what I mean here.It is difficult to just fit in. I used to have a clear mindset of what I wanted and I always had a clear point of focus. Now, it’s a blur. With no guidance whatsoever and my friends fighting with each other, my grades are degrading badly, very badly to be honest. It wouldn’t have been much of a concern if I was in any other faculty but I am going to become a doctor – there is no way out or back, this will just go on. I am trying, I am pulling myself up and trying to hold myself together. Having someone who would just listen to me would have been great and if I could get any suggestions or solution would have been the best. However, I don’t have any of that. I am not complaining. I can do it myself. I have always done it myself with my family always having my back. It would be better to have a friend along the way, just saying.
From where I am, we live with our parents, our whole life. Although, with westernisation this culture is slowly changing these days. Anyway, its our culture and I love it. That being said, sometimes privacy becomes a real issue. I am fully concentrated on studying and have like a page left to finish the chapter and suddenly mom walks into my room and starts talking about all kinds if stuff – her sisters, neighbours, my friends, my life and so on. I get stuck on that last page and don’t finish it that day. This happens very often and not only while studying. I might be simply dancing around having my cozy little free time, watching a movie, watching my favourite TV series, exercising, doing just about anything at any time, and not just mom, all other family members too, just walk right in. Living with family is the best. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but having to compromise on my privacy makes it a tad bit difficult and a little irritating every now and then. It gets especially difficult to react when they feel free to go through all of my stuff. I will be like – I used to be a kid, it was fine then, but now things are little more personal. I will think of sentences like – I would have shared these stuff with you guys if I wanted to but I haven’t! but obviously I don’t tell them any of it. I just stare at them, fix a smile on my face and sit patiently waiting for them to leave. All being said, I love them. I just hope they understand.
I am still searching for a solution to my above mentioned problems, however, I found a few about how to stay free from distractions. I have just about started to try these, but I don’t know if I can keep them going. You can try them out too, if you want that is. There are numerous apps these days which can help you keep focused and one thing that has really worked with me is keeping smaller goals. You get one step closer to your final destination by actually finishing some work each day. It feels good.